If you’re reading this, you’ve been thinking of me, and from that alone my heart is warm. I am sending those same sentiments back to you, wherever you are. I know, because social media wouldn’t have brought you here. Only your concern, and perhaps, what is kindred between us could have. The world we live in wants me to say I’ve been well, but the only spaces I can wilfully inhabit are the truthful ones. I have not been well - in body, mind, nor spirit - as that is not how transformation works. Transformation in and of itself is a shattering of all that one is, followed by a painful, uncomfortable regrowth into what it is meant to be. I’ve been holding myself back from that inevitable second stage by living in fearful misalignment; no wonder the pieces have not fit. I write this today with my body broken, but my spirit strong, rising gracefully into the majesty it always was. I cannot tell you that all will be well, nor placate you with false promises of perfection. This imperfect mess is for me to claim and love. If you choose to bear witness to this transformation, I am grateful, but that gratitude will not impede my honouring, my departure from perpetual grieving into the celebration of my truest self. This journey has brought me to the edge of the earth, where I found the edge of myself: a place unknown as I failed to separate where the past ends and where I begin. I still and will still fail in these distinctions, but mindfulness, and the guidance of those who’ve come before me is pulling me out of the darkness I’d always claimed to be mine… until now. Embracing the essence of myself is embracing light and love. It is from this uncertain but slow and blissful place that I want to create my art. Speak my truth. I am excited for the future and to share the fruits of my spiritual labour with you in the coming months, but the way I’ll be handing it to you is like this, with my hands, whispering, not loud, fast, or through the power of anyone else. Idealistic, maybe, but this is how I’d like to begin. This journey is far too precious to neglect it for visions of the end. I’ll be back when it’s time.
All my love,